Note to Self: Give the Big Picture

I cause myself a lot of grief by assuming children understand the "big picture" when I ask for a chore to be done.

Case in point, today I say, "Ben, please sweep up the dining room." At the time I asked, in addition to dirt, there were lunch scraps, silverware, crayons, paper and some play-dough toys under the table. When he was done, under the table were now just a few little scraps of lunch and paper, one cookie cutter--AND the broom, the dustpan, his hat, and the tape gun, which he was holding when asked to sweep. He was no where to be found.

To be honest, yes, there is some serious ADHD involved, if you believe in that type of thing. But once again, it was another daily crossroads where I have to decide--is this funny or infuriating?

My lesson for today (once again) is to remember to give the big picture in assigning work. I need to explain what it needs to look like in the end, as well as put a little follow-up in there: "Ben, I need the floor to have absolutely nothing on it when you are done with it, let's look at it together when you are done."

I need to explain the end, not just the means. Theoretically it will help him feel less like an exploited worker to understand the big picture, all the overpaid corporate gurus say so. Until I learn this, you can know one thing when at my house--whatever you're looking for, it's under the table.

Imperfect thoughts on perfectionism

A purist would say I could not be a perfectionist because my house is not clean and I have toddler snot on my shirt.

I don't have the good kind of perfectionism, the kind that makes you not only bring changes of clothes for your children when you go out, but an extra shirt for yourself in case of boogery hugs. That kind of person is probably vigilantly watching and catches any offending substance with a handy Kleenex before it could even happen anyway.

Yet I am a perfectionist, in that I believe if I can't do something perfectly, I shouldn't bother. I do it with housecleaning, dieting, and hey, let's just get it all out there, I do it with my parenting and even my bills.

I periodically get an email newsletter from a like-minded hippie lady, the Urban Homemaker, and today she addressed this topic in a way I found helpful, and I'd like to pass on what she said. She is an "I love Jesus," back-to-basics hippie lady, as I am and aspire to be, although she would not probably accept my brand of Jesus loving. So, it's a little sermony, I'm warning you now, but I really recommend her site.

If you have my little problem of sloppy perfectionism, or even the "good" kind of perfectionism, it makes a good read. She was reporting on a talk she gave about "What I Wished I Had Known;" she talked about sundry home management, baking, parenting things, but focused in part on her spiritual journey. Here are her words:

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I talked about what I wished I'd known about ungodly perfectionism. What I know now, is that allowing perfectionism and comparisons to go on in our mind is quite a prevalent and insidious, maybe even rampant problem among Christian women.

Regardless of your personal struggles, I believe it is very hard for women to see that an effective tool in the enemy's arsenal is designed to keep our eyes off of God and on our circumstances.

This evil attack takes place in our minds and seeks to destroy us, our families, our joy, and our peace just through our thoughts.

Here is my working definition of Perfectionism:

• A sense of drivenness.
• Continued feelings of not being good enough.
• Deep underlying need to control one's life.
• Excessive striving after reward and recognition.
• Perpetual jealousy of others and a making of comparisons. Again, it is the idea that so and so has more money, better husband, nicer house, higher achieving kids, gorgeous clothes, great figure, she's a great cook and on and on it goes.
• It robs our peace, it can put us into a depression.

The thoughts go through our mind over and over, accusing us and discouraging us. These thoughts can literally make us sick.

[Click here if you are interested in reading the text of her presentation, What I Wish I'd Known]

--back to MamaMelodrama:

"I can't start, because I won't do it well enough" has been a wonderful way for the little red guy on my shoulder to get me to not do anything at all. To do my best and give God the rest (rhyme unintended) would take me a lot farther.

I don't know about you, but this is food for my brain to munch on tonight.